The OCD's

Many of us can say we have a quirky OCD or pet peeve like cleaning or having the toilet seat down... but, what happens when your life is literally revolved around it? I often wonder what is going thru Taylor's mind as we witness daily her constant OCD's that she truly cannot control. Imagine hearing about the same thing over and over and over - roughly 200 times a day for weeks on end. It is funny and cute at first like, her learning all about pool vacuums but, then just becomes exhausting. Or imagine trying to deal with a behavior that is harmful but, the more you react the more it is done. This is our daily life. Taylor does not feel pain so when, there is something she can feel she tends to keep doing it excessively.

Currently, one of Taylor's OCD's involves biting her finger nails completely off. It kills me inside and I get so many - you should do this or that or this and well.... I wish it was that easy! Right now we have to distract her and hope she stops but, we also have to accept that when she stops one OCD she will be onto another and we pick our battles.

For a while Taylor's OCD was to say the "F" word... and I mean in every situation but, sadly I preferred it. Why? Because the alternative was having Taylor digging into her eye or digging into open sores. At least with the language it was a word and would not be harmful to her body. So, I took the judgement, the stares, the comments, the parenting advice, because I knew what the alternative was. We have since gotten past that OCD but, I know it will be back. They always come back.

So, sometimes when you see a child and just wonder, how does that mother allow that? Just know, that it might be her only option at the time. We are so quick to judge parenting skills and decide who is better but, forget that all of our children are different and unique in their own special ways.

Genetic Testing - Part 2

FINALLY! The day had arrived. In reality it had been over five years of waiting for this test to be done. Then, not to mention the unanswered doctor appointments we had been going to for the last 8 months. When we were first told the test was an option we were afraid that one would blame their-self or we'd blame each other. But, after time settled we accepted that we had no idea! How could we have known?? So, whether we caused Taylor's syndrome, I had to believe it was meant to be and that was God's plan.

It was an early rainy Tuesday morning that Max and I went into the doctors to get our blood drawn. We had asked for some alone time so we could say a prayer... obviously, I am hoping and praying that we are not carriers for Taylor's syndrome and wanting to be completely shellfish! But, believe it or not (haha) I have learned that I have to be careful what I ask for - like... with Taylor I was just determined that all I wanted was a girl, well I got my girl for sure. So, Max being the leveled one in the relationship prayed that we would be strong, that the test would work and we would understand whatever the results were, were meant to be.

Max decided to go first and I thought he was going to pass out! lol He does not like needles at all. As I watched him and snapped some pictures he'd kill me for taking, I fell more and more in love with him at that moment. He was 100% by my side for us! For us to grow our little family and possibly give me that second child of my own I so desperately wanted. See, Max has two older children so, with Taylor that made three and well to most, that's the perfect number of kids, right?? But, it is hard in a separated family and even though I love Jacob and Alexus as my own, I am still not their mother nor will I ever be. They have a mom who loves them unconditionally. So, it was important for me to have another child of my own. And like I mentioned in part 1 - we just weren't passing off as 5 year old with Taylor.

I then took the test and we were out of there... it only took about 10 minutes and one large vial of blood each. We left, me feeling anxious, excited but, terrified at the same time. We were told it would take about 2 weeks to get the results. I stalked my phone just hoping they would have an answer sooner and call with results.

The call finally came and we were told... we are NOT carriers for Taylor's syndrome!!! I was relieved and then, with close family who we told immediately, I was asked, "How did Taylor get it, then?" We do not know. Thankfully for me, I believe in a higher power and believe that every now and then we need angels on earth to remind us of how precious life truly is. And well, Taylor definitely is my angel on earth!