Seize the Day

What is it like holding a child - your child - during a seizure?? In my case, the scariest, most confusing thing. You're helpless, but you have to be so strong, and even though it's just a moment, it seems to never end!! I don't wish it on anyone and I still cry every time, no matter how many I have held her through. With Taylor, she does not have the typical convulsion seizures. Those are the only type we think exist - well at least I did until Taylor came into our lives.

Taylor has drop seizures. Meaning she goes limp or stiff and will drop. The pink helmet came about when she was almost 3 years old and we were at the park for a party. As she was coming for a balloon I had, I could see her falling flat back but, too far to grab her. As her head pounded into the concrete with a noise so loud I'll never forget, I thought for sure there was unimaginable damage and how I was right there, how could I have not caught her? With seizures they can come at a moment's time with no warning for Taylor. And it seems like each seizure is different from the others and each seizure I learn something new of how her body is.

This last seizure lasted some time. Seconds seemed like minutes and minutes felt like hours. At first, I thought she was dozing off to sleep, but realized her eyes were wide open. I held her and asked if she was okay, but typically she doesn't respond to her name the first time, so that didn't help. I snapped and she would blink which, usually did not happen during a seizure, so that threw me a curve ball. But, I know Taylor and I knew something was wrong. As I picked her up to hold her, I could feel her head was stiff and she wouldn't move. That moment her body loosened and her arms went around my neck, I sighed in relief that she was okay. It was like delivering a baby - finally the hard part was over and you could hold your child close in your arms.

So, what's it like? It's something I hope you'll never have to encounter. It's like Everything happens so fast in such little time. It's like you're falling out of a roller coaster. It's unexpected, everything around you is still moving but, all you can think about is holding on. Trying to stay calm that you don't let go and make it to the end. It's like holding your baby lifeless in your arms. It's like in seconds you have to decide to be brave and tell her it's okay. It's like a nightmare turned into reality.

And of course shout out to Jessica Gould for editing! Be sure to check out her book, "Shallow Foundations" on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Shallow-Foundations-Jessica-Gould/dp/1500450642/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1488852139&sr=8-2&keywords=jessica+gould