The Realization

It was Thursday, July 19th and Max had just gotten home from work, and as was the usual we played Xbox; this is our "quality" time together.  Sometime after we began playing, however Max paused the game and turned to me and said, "You know? Today I realized that Taylor will always need us and have problems. When we were on our walk she looked at me and I saw it in her face, that she had a syndrome." I began sobbin and he too cried, even now as I’m thinking about that day I want to cry as well.  And here I thought we’d made such strides, yet that simple conversation had brought back so many feelings I thought I’d overcome.

That same night, Max and I talked about what we both understood about Taylor’s condition and as we did we both hugged each other as we had such grief for our daughter. I knew in my heart that as a result of Taylor’s condition that it’d be likely that she would always depend on us for everything and I had silently coped with that fact.  But that night to hear it from Max’s mouth and to see that it had finally sank in, that Max had finally accepted this reality it was overwhelming and moving to say the least.

That night I called my father and spoke to him on the phone, I needed advise, comfort, reassurance…then later I cried myself to sleep. Hours passed and I woke up with puffy eyes and a heavy heart and to some point resentful. The following day I spoke to my cousin Trisha, who made me realize that what was happening was okay. After all I had already dealt with the grief and had moved past it and was working to control my emotions, yet Max was just getting around to grasping the reality of it all.

Men walk out on their kids every day for no other reason than to be freed from responsibility, a sick child and a hysterical mother would be an even a better reason for a man to walk away, but not Max, he has been there and stuck by us and has given me the strength I need to deal with our daily hurdles.  Max is a remarkable man and amazing father. Frankly, I need Taylor more then she needs me and I need Max more then he needs me.

I am grateful everyday that I have Max, Alexus, Jacob, and Taylor close to my heart and in my life.

Thank you Maria Piork for helping edit. Please be sure to follow her at Marialovestowrite.blogspot.com.